The Aftermath of Conflicts. Latosa Concepts Escrima Terminology.
I was talking with my son the other day and our conversation subject ended up here on the blog again, just in a different form. What did we talk about? It was the psychology of what happens after a conflict / argument. Kids experience many of the same feelings of angst that we (Latosa Concepts Escrima people) might in a self-defense situation, fearful situation or an argument. You get the idea.
We talked about how he should understand possible motives, and why friends and school mates do and say things. Grown men and women are not much different than boys and girls. They have motivations, which they are or are not aware of, and they experience the aftermath of a conflict in different degrees. It’s funny how girls are really hard on the other kids ( especially other girls). Talk about psychological warfare! The fact that we eat more paleo’ish means he doesn’t go through the giant blood sugar( behavior) swings. ( As a side note, if you want a child who is more stable and relaxed, get rid of the gluten and conventional milk, and eat more natural fats. )
Any hoo, back to the subject. We talked about how he should not be affected by others bad behavior. We all get worn down by life, and how we feel we have to find a path through the difficult places and times.
A conflict on the street, where you have to defend yourself, is nothing more than a more serious situation we have to navigate. In this way confronting a friend or classmate is just a degree of a full blown self-defense conflict on the street at 4:00 am. Just as we have to decide how we want to react to a discussion, we have to think about how we look back at and experience a self-defense situation. There are conscious decisions we can all take.
Experience with a “lessor” situation helps with how we confront the feelings that we have after a self-defense situation. In our escrima groups, training is the experience we draw from. I write “lessor” confrontation because they seem lessor in many ways, it is how you look at them though. For some people getting layed off is a major problem and for others a chance to try a different kind of job. It’s all how you decide to see things among.
When I used to work security, I had to catch and hold violent people down. Some had robbed others at weapon (knife) point. Having experience the adrenalin rushed that goes along with training helped to react in degrees. In this way, avoiding overreacting. This experience meant that I could let a punch roll off my chin in a few cases. In others, just saying to my self, “It has to be done, so lets get started,” helped.
The what if game is an easy way to start to think and talk about what would be smart or not especially intelligent to do and say as well as a mental / emotional perspective. We can decide to go through life as sheep and blame the wolves for being wolves or we can work at changing our perspective.
Allowing yourself to be angry at a person can be one way to work past difficult feelings of helplessness. This ability to allow yourself the rational understanding of anger can be learned. The trick with kids and some adults is letting yourself become angry without acting out and making things worse. Understanding our own feelings and others can be seen in how people impose ( or do not impose) their beliefs on others. Self-defense is a good example of this. How many people think it’s supposed to look the the movie fight scenes?
We ( during the Latosa Concepts Escrima training ) have talked about the “asp system” of defense and how police institutions use the asp (retractable baton brand) system as the municipality’s official guide lines. When one is better at analyzing open windows of attack and the potential dangers of standing a specific way or acting/reacting a specific way, then the asp system is all about putting the attacker in the best /strongest position and the LEO (law enforcement officer) in the most danger. Don’t get me wrong, I think there should be accountability for LEO actions. We just need to be realistic about how fast an assailant can cross a given distance and how bad a cut/stab or some other injury can be. The truth of the matter is politics are more important than officer safety. Ergo the asp stance.
BTW, we could adjust the starting position /drawing action of the officer with his asp to make him much safer and give/her a better chance at hitting a knife out of the hand of an attacker ( an example of a given situation). The perspective has to change first.
Any hoo! back to the subject. When we impose an idea on a situation, it changes how we see it. If I said we need to make sure that the father ( the cop in an asp self-defense situation) gets home to his wife and two kids when the night is over with, would you be more or less in support of the asp training? Note I mention asp training here because it is the opposite of what we teach in Latosa Concepts Escrima. The baton is our shield and weapon, not something that should protected by the professional’s left arm, body and head. It’s all how you look at it isn’t it?
Having to defend myself and my wife from a gang was much less traumatic on me than my wife, because I thought that they got what they deserved for putting us in danger when they attacked us. My wife had to say the words out loud and we had to talk about it, so she could get past the aftermath of the self-defense situation. You hear about the aftermath of war with soldiers, well the people on the street need to talk to someone in many cases as well.
Personally, I don’t like hurting people but I have no illusions about how dangerous it was to keep the gang away from my wife. That fact gave me permission to use the force needed to make sure we were safe when it was over with.
Ask yourself these questions.
- Do you impose your belief system on the world and then blame the world for not being what you want it to be?
- Do you act and think like a victim?
- Have you honestly tried to look at and think from a different perspective?
- Do you live in the world or try to stay safe in it?
The last question should answer the others for you. Being prepared for life, and the wrenches thrown into the spokes, makes it easier to live life in my book. Any Hoo! I have bent your ear enough. I hope ya’ll have a great week.
As a side note check out the stages of grief and for the LEO and other professional check out this Latosa Concepts, FMA blog entry with information from Dave Grossmann. Audio of Bullet Proof Your Mind by Dave Grossmann.
Give me your answers regarding the gathering in February.
Stay Proactive in Life and Training